Faith

I spent the last week of 2011 evaluating the year, and how I'd done, goal-wise.

2011 was a year of experimentation for me. I learned a lot, and juggled a bunch of different projects. I worked on Wild Fables, the interactive story app for kids that my sister, her husband and I created (hard to believe it launched less than a year ago!). I learned to use Adobe InDesign, and formatted a gargantuan iOS5 programming ebook. I figured out how to launch an estore for t-shirts and other products using the animal silhouette designs I love to play around with.

Those were the major projects, but there were half a dozen smaller ones, plus big life events (I got engaged!). Taken in that perspective, I did a lot.

On the writing front, however, I didn't accomplished as much as I'd hoped. I wrote a book that I love, and revised it with my agent for a few months. It's now off in submission-land :) I'm proud of this novel. Other than that ... I wrote about 20k on another novel. I got on twitter, and connected with a bunch of lovely writers online and in real life. I went on a writing retreat, and to a conference or two.

So I accomplished some things, but I was left at the end of 2011 feeling like I could have done more, if I'd focused. I allowed so many projects and new ideas take me over that I forgot to give the important things top priority.

I have so many novels in my head that I can't wait to work on, and yet writing took a backseat for much of the year. That made me unhappy, but it was my own choice to keep making excuses about why I couldn't write.

It took me a while to pinpoint why: doubt.

We all struggle with it. Doubt that our writing is any good, doubt that we can sell a book and make ourselves a career at this. Doubt that we'll have any money coming in. Doubt that we can write another book we love as much as the previous one. Struggling with all of these doubts caused me a ton of stress last year, and it was all self-inflicted.

At first I thought I'd label 2012 the year of No Excuses. But it runs deeper than that. It's a matter of faith. Not religious faith, though for me that does play a part. But mostly, I decided, I needed to have faith in myself.

Faith that I can sit down every day and write. Faith that I can take my crappy rough draft and fix it. Faith that sending my critique partner a less-than-perfect draft won't kill me. Faith that I can ignore distractions. Faith that if I flub one day and don't write, I haven't derailed myself. Faith that I can sort out the characters and plots and pacing, and turn their sum from a jumble to a jewel.

It's easy enough to say I have faith in myself. So this year, I'm saying it.

I'm building it.

Often. Every day. Every hour. Any time I feel doubt nibbling at my peace of mind, tensing my shoulders and dragging at my mood, I pause and take a deep breath. Faith, I tell myself. I have faith. It's my focus for the year.

Almost a week in, things have been going swimmingly. Stress is down, productivity is up.

And I have faith that will continue.

Happy 2012, everyone! What's your word of the year?